I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Randomize
