what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize