I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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