life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
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There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
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Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
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