Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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