at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
