So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
