he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize