Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Randomize
