There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
You were trust falling into bushes
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize