My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
