dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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