i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize