dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
