I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Can you bring me the toilet please
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
