VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
These 21 People Shouldn’t Be Giving Dating Advice
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.