Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.