It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..