Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
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I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
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I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning