I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat