the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
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She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
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Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?