remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend