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OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
honey bunches of taint.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
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