Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
