I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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