I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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