You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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