and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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