from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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