What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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