I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
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i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
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While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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