im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
