watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
