I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good