as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.