I wannas sexs uuuuu
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait