He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations