It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
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As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
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I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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