Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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