i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
do herpes really smell.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
