The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
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