Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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