I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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