Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
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neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
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And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
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