are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize