I'd wear matching sweaters with you
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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