i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
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