Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
