I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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