It's Friday. Sex?
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
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