Ambien. No doubt about it.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
