Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Randomize
