I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
