I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
