I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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