I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
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With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
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Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
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