the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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