SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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