This girl is more easily done than said...
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
