He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
